


pairo

by okologie



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Character Study, M/M, manga spoilers!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2018-10-16
Packaged: 2019-08-03 04:40:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16319351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/okologie/pseuds/okologie
Summary: a kurapika character study, where i think/hope his development is headed and pairos significance





	pairo

the first time he thinks about specifically pairo in a while is, when the little kid he's just met jumps off the boat to save the sailor.

he and leorio grab hold of gon before the ocean swallows him and he cant help but think back to when pairo grabbed hold of him, damaging his legs and eyes in the fall because then, no one had grabbed them.

it makes him wonder what pairo would be like if he was still alive today - a stupid thought, he knows.

he‘ll never find out.

he tags along with gon.

he tells himself that its not because he reminds him of pairo in a way.

leorio joins them, too.

they fight some more, petty arguments that adults wouldn't have.

probably, because they aren't, even if they pretend to be.

 

they reach the hunter exams.

he tells leorio.

not every detail but enough.

and he finds out, that leorios lost a friend too - maybe gon reminded him of that lost friend too.

it hurts to be reminded so much of pairo but he deals with it.

he distracts himself.

as always.

maybe leorios sillyness helps.

he cant be weak right now.

 

they reach trick tower.

he sees the spider tattoo.

he KNOWS its fake but its enough.

leorio deals with the aftermath.

then, no pairo for a few days.

they finish trick tower and take on the island.

he finds leorio, then gon finds them.

it's only when both of them nearly die, that he is reminded of the loss he's experienced.

but gon doesn't loose hope so neither does he. 

its so painfully pairo, to not loose hope.

they all get through the challenge, him, gon, leorio, and killua too.

 

hanzo breaks gons arm.

he doesnt understand how someone could just break a kids arm.

both he and leorio.

later, killuas older brother reveals himself.

he won't let him hurt any children.

leorio and now hanzo too stand by his side.

gon wakes up, they go to get killua, and once again gon reminds him of pairo too much.

 

then, separation.

he thinks less of individual loss.

revenge takes up his mind without any distractions around.

he learns nen, makes his chains, gets the job, goes to york new city.

people tell him the revenge will destroy him

he doesn't really care.

he thinks about them sometimes but not too much, he needs to stay focused.

melody knows now, too.

shes trustworthy he guesses.

no way to hide it from her either way.

he doesn't really care.

 

its september first and he doesnt go to meet them.

leorio calls and he tells him hes busy with work.

he kills his first spider and its worse than he thought itd be.

he prays and for the first time in months, thinks about pairo again.

the spiders know him as the chain user now and theres no going back.

he doesn't really care.

nothing else in his life but revenge now.

 

too much happens, but he gets the eyes and that's what counts.

the spiders fake their death and he meets the others in the park.

he didnt realize how much he'd missed them and laughs, for the first time in a long while.

then he finds out that the spiders are alive.

gon leorio and killua insist on helping and he can't stop them.

he knows he'd care if something happened to them and he hates it.

he takes the leader.

they send pakunoda.

he binds both of their nens.

 

he falls into a fever and pairo's there again.

he sees him in hallucinations and the guilt kills him.

if hed been more careful and stayed away from the cliff, pairo wouldnt have saved him, wouldnt have been hurt, wouldve been able to leave to the outside with him, would still be alive.

its a selfish wish.

the survivors are the ones that bear most of the pain, he knows this.

its selfish to wish this fate on another person, just so he wouldn't be alone.

he never did find that doctor for pairo.

when he wakes up from agony filled fever dreams, for only minutes at a time, leorio is there.

melody too sometimes.

often, leorio is sleeping, leaned against the wall next to him but when he isn't, leorio makes him drink water and swallow pills.

it hurts his throat.

can't he just go back to sleeping?

melody tells him that the nostrade girl is alright.

he won't loose his job.

he‘ll get the eyes.

all of them.

thanks to leorio, his fever goes away.

 

he thanks him.

but he wonders if leorio would've been able to help pairos eyes and legs.

leorio lost a friend and dealt with it by doing his best to not let anyone ever die again.

he lost his entire clan and dealt with it through pure destruction.

if it had only been pairo alone, maybe hed be training to be a doctor right now, too.

but he isn't that noble.

he isn't a good person anymore

he knows that everyone was right and that the revenge is making him rot from the inside but theres no going back now.

he's gone back to not caring again.

it's better to not care.

 

when he leaves, he doesn't tell gon and killua.

they're kids, they shouldn't be involved in all this.

he can't get away without telling leorio, though.

he lies and tells him, they'll all reunite soon, but he knows they won't.

it's better that way.

 

leorio pulls melody aside and tells her to take care of him.

he pretends he doesnt hear them.

how selfrighteous of leorio.

 

he goes back to his job.

starts hunting down the remaining eyes.

keeps climbing the ranks in the nostrade family.

he's good and they know.

leorio tries calling him, a lot.

he never picks up.

why won't he just take the hint.

it's better to not get close.

he doesn't admit it, but it's nice to know that leorio cares.

he misses them.

 

the chimera ants happen and he hears on the news.

it doesn't concern him.

leorio still tries to call.

 

the chimera ants are dealt with.

someone died.

its the chairman he thinks.

 

leorio tries to call him a few times, again.

he sends texts too but he doesn't read them.

he doesn't have time.

he can't get close.

they shouldn't get close.

its too late, he figures, so maybe „they shouldn't get any closer than they already are“ is a better wording.

he hasn't thought about anything but revenge for so long.

he hasn't thought about just pairo for a while.

its nicer that way.

replacing any sadness with anger keeps him from crying.

 

mizai shows up.

joining the zodiacs seems useful enough to get the remaining eyes.

he finally answers one of leorios calls.

he can't give him his email.

too close.

 

mizai knows enough already.

hes thankful to, and for leorio.

he doesn't get why leorio still does all this, after everything he has tried to push him away.

 

then, prince woble.

she has little personality yet, she's a baby, but exactly because of that, she's the least rotten person he's met.

he sees the fear in queen oitos eyes and he promises her that he will protect them.

he doesnt lie for a change.

 

again, everything happens so fast.

they board the ship, everything spirals out of control.

if he keeps using emperor time, he‘ll be dead by the end of the week and he knows this.

 

leorio is there too but he doesnt see him.

he blacks out once, because he overused nen and bill nearly calls a doctor.

he wouldn't admit it, ever, he feels selfish to even think it, but it would've been nice to see leorio again.

 

theres too much going on to think of pairo.

a few princes die, others learn nen.

a big fight breaks out a few decks under his but he doesn't care, he focuses on prince woble and protecting her.

 

then, queen oito dies.

he feels it in every last bit of his body.

they were still connected through emperor time and he feels the sensation of death.

hes with melody and bill when it happens.

they were on break.

how stupid of him to think he deserves to rest.

he uses his last strenght to tell them that they need to get to queen oito and he sees bill sprinting away before his vision goes dark.

 

he doesnt die.

why should he, his body is still in more or less good condition.

but he knows death now.

when he wakes up, leorio is there.

panic overcomes him but leorio tells him to rest and that prince woble is alive.

leorio looks so, so angry, that a mother had to die to protect a baby from a unnecessary war over a stupid throne.

he would be too, but he's just become too good at turning his emotions off.

he tells him that hisoka killed most of the spiders until the woman with pink hair landed the final blow on him.

its only her and killua's younger sibling now.

 

he feels weirdly empty, and relieved at the same time.

it's the most hes felt in a while.

he gets better fast and leaves again.

leorio tries to hug him goodbye but he pretends he doesnt notice and turns away.

leorio tells him to be careful.

„okay“ he lies.

 

then the sucession war is over.

somehow, prince woble is still alive and he is too.

thanks to leorio, probably.

he's gotten a lot stronger and better at using nen.

prince fuugetsu has the throne now, offiially.

she's griefstrucken but she's managing.

he's thankful to her kind nature and melodys newfound connection to her.

without her, they couldn't have faked prince wobles death.

 

then he goes to retrive the eyes from prince tserriednichs chamber, leaves woble in melodys care for a bit.

leorio insists on coming with him, as emotional support.

he tells him he doesn't need it but leorio insists.

he regrets not being more forceful.

he regrets so, so much

 

it's pairo again.

it's his head.

the prince had his head in a jar, the middle piece to the missing eyes.

he stares into pairos dead eyes and for the first time in years, actually cries.

he thought that by now, he might have forgotten how to cry but he hasnt.

he screams and cries and everything just spills out.

he just can't grasp how someone could murder a child, cut off their head, and sell it.

he can't.

he hates how he cares.

 

leorio tries to hold him and he pushes him away, this time literally, but leorio is physically stronger than him.

he cries and punches and kicks leorio but he doesn't let go.

eventually he blacks out and he guesses that leorio carried him back to the med bay because thats where he wakes up.

leorio is once again asleep in a chair next to him.

theres a huge box next to him and kurapika knows what's in it.

 

oh the irony of it all.

finally a doctor who maybe couldv'e helped pairo and pairo is even here.

but its' too late and pairo is dead and gone and it's his fault.

he knows the spiders are truly at fault but you can't get rid of guilt that sits deep in your soul that easily.

he just lays there and thinks, of pairo and everything thats happend since he swore revenge, now eight years ago.

pairo made him promise to have fun, back then, before he left.

he never got to ask him if he did have fun.

 

melody comes in, holding woble and her eyes widen with happiness when she see that hes awake.

he holds a finger to his mouth and points at leorio.

she just smiles, sits down on the other chair.

then hands him woble.

the prince is sleeping, too.

she smiles in her sleep.

he looks at the sleeping baby, looks at melody, the sleeping leorio, thinks of gon and killua who are waiting back home, and smiles back at the child.

if pairo could still ask if he had fun, kurapika would truthfully say yes.

**Author's Note:**

> ok if u read this. i love u. big shoutout!!!! if u wanna talk more abt this come talk to me on my tumblr @pairoshead !! or if halloween is already over when youre reading this, im @allucka !


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